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Stretchlinks Podcast #5: “Wally’s Got A Cigar Store”

October 18, 2008 Podcasts 7 Comments
Stretchlinks Podcast #5: “Wally’s Got A Cigar Store”

Fall face first into Episode 5 of The Stretchlinks Podcast. Another elastic melee by Heinous and Wonkles, aka The Stretchlinks. Spit-shine your blowguns for this episodes’ edge-of-your-seat tragicomedy, Bobby Regus. Fly on the wall your bad Freudian selves as the Links share personal dreamscapes – revealing a startling love of Borgnine and office building motorsports. Audio-oggle the Mailbag as we hear of Iceburg Slim, the ill-fated black cat of Taravel Ave. And please don’t forget your matches for this episode’s incendiary Nugget Of Wonderness, Wally Had A Cigar Store. PLAY HERE

Stretchlinks Podcast #1: “Scrotum Hall”

July 19, 2008 Podcasts 6 Comments
Stretchlinks Podcast #1: “Scrotum Hall”

Wow! It’s Episode 1 of the Stretchlinks Podcast, entitled “Scrotum Hall”.  The premiere offering from the musical duo, The Stretchlinks. Enjoy a lightheaded peek down memory lane as Heinous and Wonkles flash podcastian prowess swaying and giggling foolishly over the track “Hang Around” from their long lost debut album “You Stole My Lung”. The Links discuss furnaces, answer your email and intro the show’s tell it like it is soapbox segment “Don’t Touch That Feces”. And please do comment on our clamoring! PLAY HERE

Stretchlinks Podcast #2: “Brain Song”

July 20, 2008 Podcasts 3 Comments
Stretchlinks Podcast #2: “Brain Song”

We made it to Episode 2 of the Stretchlinks Podcast entitled, “Brain Song”. Another comedy and musical skirmish by Heinous and Wonkles, aka, the Stretchlinks. Enjoy a listen to the Links’ fav “Mr. Baggie”, experience a “Dont Touch That Feces” ranting on the societal scourge of “.9″, brace for this episodes “Nugget Of Wonderness” and join in the memories of their infamous two city world tour. And please do comment on our clamoring! PLAY HERE

Nugget of Wonderness: “Lawn chair part 1″

Nugget of Wonderness: “Lawn chair part 1″

Share in the passion of aluminum patio furniture in this episode’s hard-sell Nugget Of Wonderness, Lawnchair Part 1.

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Stretchlinks Music! “I Hang Around”

December 17, 2008 Music No Comments
Stretchlinks Music! “I Hang Around”

Listen to the Stretchlinks “I Hang Around” featured in Episode 1 of the Stretchlinks Podcast.

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Nugget Of Wonderness “Wally’s Got A Cigar Store”

Nugget Of Wonderness “Wally’s Got A Cigar Store”

More unreleased, incendiary comedy trash with three smoking versions of Wally’s Got A Cigar Store!

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Stretchlinks Lyrics: “Beautiful Moonlight”

December 21, 2008 Lryics No Comments
Stretchlinks Lyrics: “Beautiful Moonlight”

“Beautiful Moonlight”

- Lyrics and Music © 1989 The Stretchlinks

Beautiful moonlight, beautiful moonlight

Don’t forget that I’m here behind that tree

Beautiful moonlight, beautiful moonlight

Please don’t forget me as you talk to that person down the street

That I’m standing behind the tree

Beautiful moonlight, Beautiful moonlight

Don’t forget the sacrifices I’ve made for you

Don’t forget the beautiful moonlight, beautiful moonlight

I’m holding the bag, holding the bag for you babe

Don’t forget beautiful moonlight, beautiful moonlight

Sacrifices have been made to maintain our friendship and I

Don’t regret it, don’t regret it. But remember the

Beautiful moonlight, we’re talking beautiful moonlight

Just take a look and

Beautiful moonlight

It’s up there through the window

I’m behind the tree, remember me

I’m still holding the bag for you babe

Beautiful moonlight, beautiful moonlight

Stretchlinks Lyrics: “Bobby Regus”

October 18, 2008 Lryics No Comments
Stretchlinks Lyrics: “Bobby Regus”

“Bobby Regus”

-Lyrics and Music © 1989 The Stretchlinks

I’ll shoot you in the belly, I’ll shoot you in the head.

My name is Bobby Regus and I’ll do just what I said.

Spent seven years in prison, shot a man in the tongue.

‘Ya know he had it comin’ well justice must be done.

My Daddy died in the Amazon, a monsoon of rain and sleet.

In his will he left me a gun so I could make ends meet.

Well my Mama was a plumber, loved wrenches more than me.

Se went on call, was never home, that sent me on a killin’ spree.

I’ll shoot you in the belly, I’ll shoot you in the head.

My name is Bobby Regus and I’ll do just what I said.

(Chorus) Bobby Regus…Bobby Regus has come home.

I’m looking for my baby, I left her all alone,

‘Ya know she cannot read or write, can barely use the phone.

I’ve come back for my Mary Beth, I know that she still cares.

If not I’ll talk her into it, or push her down the stairs.

(Chorus) Bobby Regus…Bobby Regus has come home.

Bobby Regus…Bobby Regus has come…

(Spoken) When Bobby came back to town the folks shuddered and crept away.

Bobby’s face was scarred and mean and he said he planned to stay.

He stole a dozen batteries from Mr. Wilbert’s Five & Dime he ripped  the Sunday dress clear off of Mrs. Kline.

He swore a lot and spit and screamed and shot his gun non-stop it seemed.

He searched for Mary Beth his fiance he bullied every man in town

But Mary had married Sheriff Jones and was nowhere to be found.

It was late one October night and the sheriff came in town.

And Bobby waited with a giant blowgun to bring the lawman down.

But just as Bobby aimed his shaft to send him to his death,

His girl stepped out and took the dart, he had killed his Mary Beth.

Mary’s eyes grew cold as ice as the poison settled in

And the sheriff drew his pistol out shootin’ Bobby in the chin.

Bobby fell and pleaded for his life as the sheriff neared his side

But soon the town heard him singin’ out as he lay in the street to die.

(Chorus) Bobby Regus…Bobby Regus has come home.

I’ll shoot you in the belly, I’ll shoot you in the head.

My name is Bobby Regus and I’ll do just what I said.

I’ll shoot you in the belly, I’ll shoot you in the head.

My name is Bobby Regus and I’ll do just what I said.

I’ll shoot you in the belly, I’ll shoot you in the head.

My name is Bobby Regus and I’ll do just what I said.

Do just what I said…do just what I said

My name’s Bobby Regus…..

Stretchlinks Lyrics: “Mr. Baggie”

September 17, 2008 Lryics No Comments
Stretchlinks Lyrics: “Mr. Baggie”

“Mr. Baggie”

Lryics and music © 1988 The Stretchlinks

Mr. Baggy, Mr. Baggy lives in a town in a house. He never smiles, he walks the streets. Haven’t you noticed that Mr. Baggy?

Mr. Baggy went to work at a job he didn’t like. He lost his car, he hates the bus. He rides to work on a rusty bike.

Mr. Baggy and Mrs. Baggy they got married and had three kids of their own.

Mrs. Baggy, Mrs. Baggy she weighed 500 pounds. She watched T.V. and kept on growing and had that

problem when you fall asleep when you talk.

Don’t you think it’s odd, he wears bags on top of his head? That manifest his hopes that

his wife will soon be dead. But what could he do?

Mrs. Baggy had narcolepsy and Mr. Baggy wore bags on top of his head.

Mr. Baggy watched the news and screamed that the world was insane. His throat swelled up, he could not speak, he moved his things near the basement furnace.

Mr. Baggy had a gripe with Merv and a gripe with game show hosts. He dove right through his T.V. set. It burned his hair , it tore his flesh, it ripped the ears right off of his head.

Don’t you think it’s odd, he wears bags on top of his head? It’s lucky that he had one for his ears they bled and bled. But what could he do?

Mr. Baggy had three kids, they lit a fire under the house. They stole a gun, and shot a dog, they made crank calls to eastern Europe.

Mr. Baggy late at night, talked to the furnace for hours.He slowly burned all that he owned and all the while wore his favorite baggy.

Mrs. Baggy, she could barely move. She searched the house for Mr. Baggy.

Don’t you think it’s odd, he wears bags on top of his head? It illustrates to passersby his life is filled with dread. But what could he do?

But what could he do?


Stretchlinks Lyrics: “Charlotte The Dunk Tank Girl”

September 17, 2008 Lryics No Comments
Stretchlinks Lyrics: “Charlotte The Dunk Tank Girl”

“Charlotte The Dunk Tank Girl”

Lyrics and Music © 1989 The Stretchlinks

Now Charlotte was a country girl whose figure was ideal. But she was naive and easily persuaded by a smooth-talkin’ carney to don a revealing bikini and sit in the dunk tank near the ring toss.

She thought she was on her way to Hollywood, so she didn’t concern herself with how deep the water was. Besides, no one even bothered to find out if she could swim or not.

Charlotte, Charlotte, Charlotte dunk tank girl.

They say that when Boris Kovatch was repairing track up on the Big Dipper, her transparent specter hovered near the edge of the railing he slipped over.

Some say he was drunk and fell over, but others believe he was pushed and that with his last breath he whispered Charlotte’s name to the crowd that surrounded him.

Charlotte, Charlotte, Charlotte dunk tank girl.

One year later Charlotte’s old boyfriend tried to go through the Tunnel Of Love with a new girl. When they came out the boys arms and legs were torn off, and his heart ripped right out of his body.

The girl must have caught a glimpse of Charlotte, for she was made blind as a bat and stark-raving mad.

Charlotte, Charlotte, Charlotte dunk tank girl.

When a fat redneck sheriff lost all his money at the shooting gallery he decided it was rigged and beat the carney with a blackjack until the carney’s 12-year-old deaf & dumb son panicked and stabbed him in the butt with a pen knife.

The sheriff shot him dead and was then killed by the grief-stricken carny with one of the rifles used to shoot the lead ducks that go around and around and around.

Charlotte, Charlotte, Charlotte dunk tank girl.

No one knows how long Charlotte’s spirit will haunt the carnival. Most seem to think she won’t quit until it’s shut down for good.

So the next time the carnival comes to your town and you feel like going for a cheap thrill, just remember…the thrill you seek could be your last.

Charlotte, Charlotte, Charlotte dunk tank girl.

Charlotte, Charlotte, Charlotte dunk tank girl.

Charlotte, Charlotte, Charlotte dunk tank girl.

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Heinous Rynz Coins YouTube “America’s Time Machine”

April 23, 2010

Heinous Rynz Coins YouTube “America’s Time Machine”

Ukulele master, Stretchlinks member and cultural philosopher Heinous Rynz can often be found sipping ice tea from a large brandy snifter, strumming his uke and waxing poetic about the evolution of society and the deeper meanings of social media.

Stretchlinks News: Comedy Music Duo Ready Best Of Album

March 8, 2010

Stretchlinks News: Comedy Music Duo Ready Best Of Album

“I don’t think it’s supposed to happen this way but our giddiness is beginning to hurt.” Those are the words of Uncle Wonkles, guitar player and singer of the comedy music duo, The Stretchlinks. He’s referring to a rare level of joy that when prolonged can cause physical pain.

Nugget Of Wonderness: You Stole My Lung

November 26, 2009

Nugget Of Wonderness: You Stole My Lung

Hilarious lung thievery in this rare Stretchlinks, Nugget Of Wonderness entitled, “You Stole My Lung”. More lunatic, spoken word comedy improv from Heinous and Wonkles.

Links’ To Love: Doc Watson “Deep River Blues”

February 6, 2010

Links’ To Love: Doc Watson “Deep River Blues”

Enjoy this sweet country bluegrass classic “Deep River Blues” by the legendary artist, Doc Watson. More Links’ To Love video!

Stretchlinks News: Heinous Rynz admits invention of The Missionary Position

January 19, 2010

Stretchlinks News: Heinous Rynz admits invention of The Missionary Position

After years of rumor and speculation, ukulele legend Heinous Rynz has broken his mysterious silence and admitted responsibility for the invention of the “Missionary Position”.