Featured, Stretchlinks News April 23, 2010

Heinous Rynz Coins YouTube “America’s Time Machine”

by Stretchlinks

Ukulele master, Stretchlinks member and cultural philosopher Heinous Rynz can often be found sipping ice tea from a large brandy snifter, strumming his uke and waxing poetic about the evolution of society and the deeper meanings of social media.

“My humble desire is to share wisdom with those unfortunate American’s who may lack a certain historical perspective. Some of it comes from an iron deficiency while others suffer from a lack of sleep or overexposure to household cleaners. Hell, I’ve heard even eating too much cinnamon can make you ignorant to history. But what all American’s can get excited about is the marvel of new media and particularly the societal profundity of YouTube.”

Yes, Heinous did say “profundity” in a sentence, even modifying it with the heady term, ”societal” which by some standards makes him an elitist while in other circles it simply means he likes the sound of the word. According to long time friend and Stretchlinks partner Uncle Wonkles, Heinous will often repeat long, multi-syllable words aloud late into the night simply to experience their “musicality”.

“When we’re on the road I honestly don’t sleep most nights. Heinous has this way of focusing on certain vowel sounds and then just pummeling them over and over through the night. I’m usually bringing in the morning donuts by the time he finishes his “verbal calisthenics” as he likes to call em.”

Despite his admirable infatuation with words, what Heinous seems to most genuinly admire is the cultural revolution, the sheer science fiction of the YouTube phenomenon.

“You have this place you can go that is essentially the closest thing to a true Time Machine that man has ever created.” Heinous explains.

The amiable philosopher sets down his tea and scoots forward with an earnest smile.

“Imagine being transported to your parents’ home TV circa 1974. The color sucks, reception is fuzzy, you place your hand to the screen and get a satisfying static charge. You’re 11 years old again and you’re obsessing about a TV commercial, waiting desperately with a mix of fear and excitement for that one: 60 seconds of joy to share it’s glorious message of mirth and material satisfaction. And when it arrives, when is “airs”, it makes you whole, confirms that you are indeed an American Boy.

BAM!

Now it’s 34 years later and suddenly, there it is on YouTube, that same :60 seconds with its titillating shrill music and that eerie smiling actor boy who you had long ago pushed from your prepubescent memory. The history, the sounds, the smell, the happy faces, your childhood in all its facets descends on you like a synaptic freight train and you relive your youth in a way you never thought possible. But it’s not just advertising, it’s movies, songs, iconic events long since forgotten until the simple push of a button transports you through TIME.”

Heinous leans back breathless, then with an enormous sigh, drains the last of his tea.

Comments 1
  • I have waited years for the return of the Stretchlinks. I got a tape of the dunk tank sessions years ago and as you can see from my email, it changed my life. I was looking for Mr Scrotum as a way to make a snide comment on the circumcision ban that will be on the ballot in SF in November and this ishow i found your site. Oh joy. I am beside myself. Hang in there Scroty.
    Johnny D

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