CLICK HERE for the first ever Stretchlinks video promo!
All brand new and in real live video for your hungry eyes and ears. Enjoy our latest self indulgence and please spread us around like yummy preserves. Thanks!
– Heinous and Wonkles
A brand new Stretchlinks Promo for your hungry ears. Enjoy our latest self indulgence and please spread us around like yummy preserves. Thanks!
– Heinous and Wonkles
[audio:http://stretchlinks.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/stretchlinkspodcastpromo2f.mp3]“Mr. Baggie”
Lryics and music © 1988 The Stretchlinks
Mr. Baggy, Mr. Baggy lives in a town in a house. He never smiles, he walks the streets. Haven’t you noticed that Mr. Baggy?
Mr. Baggy went to work at a job he didn’t like. He lost his car, he hates the bus. He rides to work on a rusty bike.
Mr. Baggy and Mrs. Baggy they got married and had three kids of their own.
Mrs. Baggy, Mrs. Baggy she weighed 500 pounds. She watched T.V. and kept on growing and had that
problem when you fall asleep when you talk.
Don’t you think it’s odd, he wears bags on top of his head? That manifest his hopes that
his wife will soon be dead. But what could he do?
Mrs. Baggy had narcolepsy and Mr. Baggy wore bags on top of his head.
Mr. Baggy watched the news and screamed that the world was insane. His throat swelled up, he could not speak, he moved his things near the basement furnace.
Mr. Baggy had a gripe with Merv and a gripe with game show hosts. He dove right through his T.V. set. It burned his hair , it tore his flesh, it ripped the ears right off of his head.
Don’t you think it’s odd, he wears bags on top of his head? It’s lucky that he had one for his ears they bled and bled. But what could he do?
Mr. Baggy had three kids, they lit a fire under the house. They stole a gun, and shot a dog, they made crank calls to eastern Europe.
Mr. Baggy late at night, talked to the furnace for hours.He slowly burned all that he owned and all the while wore his favorite baggy.
Mrs. Baggy, she could barely move. She searched the house for Mr. Baggy.
Don’t you think it’s odd, he wears bags on top of his head? It illustrates to passersby his life is filled with dread. But what could he do?
But what could he do?
“Albatross U.S.A”
Words and Music by The Stretchlinks
© 1989 Just Happy Music
(Spoken): ”O.k., well now we’re going and now it’s something good”.
Oklahoma’s awfully far away so we won’t but a ticket to Albatross.
Well we thought about New York City but it’s much too busy and we thought about Albatross
so we’ll go now.
We’re talking Albatross it’s in the U.S.A. and it’s the place to be where people don’t think about
their pants or their shoes.
Just a sky that’s blue. And in the sky it’s raining now.
Well I thought about Cleveland, thought about Columbus, thought about L.A.,
thought about Toronto, but I really think Albatross is the place, it’s got a sky.
And it really thinks about itself. It’s very self-contemplative.
Albatross is the place and everyone goes there.
They have town meetings where people discuss emotional behaviors.
They have a sewer that’s barely underway.
Thought about it but, thought about it, thought about Nebraska or Hawaii, thought about
Europe too but it’s just too spacious and culturally vast.
So, Albatross is the place I’m going. Bought a ticket, on my way.
Thought about something else. Like a mind- expansion experiment.
Plug wires into my brain. But it… got arrested. Albatross it’s the place I know I was
I may not find that it doesn’t exist.
Got a piece of twine wrapped around my finger. It’s gonna help me figure out just where I’m going.
It’ll remind me of a… well… remind me to go… ya’ know people they think that if you’re very spacious,
your mind will evaporate.
Albatross… yeah yeah… it’s only, 40 kilometers… yeah yeah yeah.
Albatross yeah… I’m gonna take myself away into that place where I’m gonna be.
Ya’ know it’s not Hawaii it’s not New York or Chicago or Los Angeles or Tampa Bay no
but it’s, it’s got a sewer that’s barely underway.
It’s got a library. Five books about how to repair your tractor… Al… I’m not even sure that it exists but
I’m gonna go now! Lookout! I got a place to be now. Got a place to be. Everyone’s jealous ’cause
here I go now.
Albatross U.S.A. just take it down… there’s a sign and then follow the dog, there’s a big Doberman
he, he marks the way. Albatross… and… o.k… everybody… o.k. now.
“Charlotte The Dunk Tank Girl”
Lyrics and Music © 1989 The Stretchlinks
Now Charlotte was a country girl whose figure was ideal. But she was naive and easily persuaded by a smooth-talkin’ carney to don a revealing bikini and sit in the dunk tank near the ring toss.
She thought she was on her way to Hollywood, so she didn’t concern herself with how deep the water was. Besides, no one even bothered to find out if she could swim or not.
Charlotte, Charlotte, Charlotte dunk tank girl.
They say that when Boris Kovatch was repairing track up on the Big Dipper, her transparent specter hovered near the edge of the railing he slipped over.
Some say he was drunk and fell over, but others believe he was pushed and that with his last breath he whispered Charlotte’s name to the crowd that surrounded him.
Charlotte, Charlotte, Charlotte dunk tank girl.
One year later Charlotte’s old boyfriend tried to go through the Tunnel Of Love with a new girl. When they came out the boys arms and legs were torn off, and his heart ripped right out of his body.
The girl must have caught a glimpse of Charlotte, for she was made blind as a bat and stark-raving mad.
Charlotte, Charlotte, Charlotte dunk tank girl.
When a fat redneck sheriff lost all his money at the shooting gallery he decided it was rigged and beat the carney with a blackjack until the carney’s 12-year-old deaf & dumb son panicked and stabbed him in the butt with a pen knife.
The sheriff shot him dead and was then killed by the grief-stricken carny with one of the rifles used to shoot the lead ducks that go around and around and around.
Charlotte, Charlotte, Charlotte dunk tank girl.
No one knows how long Charlotte’s spirit will haunt the carnival. Most seem to think she won’t quit until it’s shut down for good.
So the next time the carnival comes to your town and you feel like going for a cheap thrill, just remember…the thrill you seek could be your last.
Charlotte, Charlotte, Charlotte dunk tank girl.
Charlotte, Charlotte, Charlotte dunk tank girl.
Charlotte, Charlotte, Charlotte dunk tank girl.
