Today's Quote:

Wally had a cigar store. Wally had a cigar store. Wally had a cigar store but he forgot to buy the matches.

- Bernard Forkplogger, Sr. V.P. Forkplogger Industrial Wires Inc.

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Stretchlinks’ Lyrics: I’m Still In Love With You

June 14, 2009 Lryics No Comments
Stretchlinks’ Lyrics: I’m Still In Love With You

I’m Still in Love with You

music and lyrics © 1989
The Stretchlinks

I think you are the girl I’ve always dreamed of…
My love’s so strong I don’y know what to do.
And though they have you on death row dear…
I’m still in love with you… I’m still in love with you.

I saw you on the news one night…
the gunfight and your capture that ensued.
And though they shot your leg off and your upper lip…
I’m still in love with you… I’m still in love with you.

(Chorus) They say that you’re homo-cidal;
they say you’re psychopathic too…
though you’ve been known to weild an axe…in anger;
I must confess my undying love for you.

I’ve tried so hard my darling to forget you…
I know that what they say just can’t be true.
That the bodies they found underneath your floorboards..
I’m sure they don’t belong to you…they don’t belong to you.

At six you killed a dog with Daddy’s golf club… (Fore!),
At twelve you stabbed a postman with a knife.
And come the dawn they’ll throw the switch and end your life of crime…
Still you are the sunshine of my life…you are the sunshine of my life.

(Chorus) They say that you’re homo-cidal;
they say you’re psychopathic too… (but I don’t mind)
though you’ve been known to weild an axe…in anger;
I must confess my undying love for you.

With conviction: (Heh-geh- geh geh-geh a goo- goo-goo!!)

I’ve written to your attorney…
I do hope that the jury’s fair.
I hope that I can meet you my darling…
before you meet the chair…before you meet the chair.

Although they say you’re future may seem dismal…
and your darkest fears are surely coming true.
And though they’ll throw the switch they can’t electrocute our love.
Spoken; (‘Cause darling, I’m still in love with you…
darling, I truly love you, with all my heart.)

(Chorus) They say that you’re homo-cidal;
they say you’re psychopathic too… (but I don’t mind)
though you’ve been known to weild an axe…in anger;
I must confess my undying love for you.

“Love is a many Splendeored Thing…It’s the April rose that only grows in the
early spring…Love is a many splendeored thing…”

Stretchlinks Music! “Charlotte The Dunk Tank Girl”

December 18, 2009 Music No Comments
Stretchlinks Music! “Charlotte The Dunk Tank Girl”

Hum along to this haunting carnival tragedy in The Stretchlinks comedy classic “Charlotte The Dunk Tank Girl”.

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Stretchlinks Music! “Why Not”

May 6, 2009 Music No Comments
Stretchlinks Music! “Why Not”

Listen to the Stretchlink’s exploding love song “Why Not”. More romantic storytelling, disturbed Americana and talking sinks from Heinous and Wonkles.

Find more great Stretchlinks’ Music HERE!

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Nugget Of Wonderness: “Jesus Song” comedy

Nugget Of Wonderness: “Jesus Song” comedy

Just in time to be too late for Easter, it’s the comedy hit, Jesus Song! Find yourself humming along to this hilarious story of Jesus in this N.O.W., special edition by The Stretchlinks!

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Nugget Of Wonderness: “Lawn Chair Part 2″

Nugget Of Wonderness: “Lawn Chair Part 2″

Collapse your delicate psyche into the Stretchlinks’ terrifying, mind folding, Nugget Of Wonderness, Lawn Chair Part 2.

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Stretchlinks Music! “Beautiful Moonlight”

December 23, 2008 Music No Comments
Stretchlinks Music! “Beautiful Moonlight”

Listen to the Stretchlinks’ “Beautiful Moonlight” featured in episode 6 of the Stretchinks Podcast.

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Nugget of Wonderness: “Lawn chair part 1″

Nugget of Wonderness: “Lawn chair part 1″

Share in the passion of aluminum patio furniture in this episode’s hard-sell Nugget Of Wonderness, Lawnchair Part 1.

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Stretchlinks Music! “I Hang Around”

December 17, 2008 Music No Comments
Stretchlinks Music! “I Hang Around”

Listen to the Stretchlinks “I Hang Around” featured in Episode 1 of the Stretchlinks Podcast.

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Nugget Of Wonderness “Wally’s Got A Cigar Store”

Nugget Of Wonderness “Wally’s Got A Cigar Store”

More unreleased, incendiary comedy trash with three smoking versions of Wally’s Got A Cigar Store!

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Nugget Of Wonderness: “Wally’s Got The Phone”

September 13, 2008 Nugget Of Wonderness 1 Comment
Nugget Of Wonderness: “Wally’s Got The Phone”

It’s N.O.W. time! When trouble strikes, find someone who can really handle a phone. Another rare, upsetting, Stretchlinks’ comedy nugget.

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Heinous Rynz Coins YouTube “America’s Time Machine”

April 23, 2010

Heinous Rynz Coins YouTube “America’s Time Machine”

Ukulele master, Stretchlinks member and cultural philosopher Heinous Rynz can often be found sipping ice tea from a large brandy snifter, strumming his uke and waxing poetic about the evolution of society and the deeper meanings of social media.

Stretchlinks News: Comedy Music Duo Ready Best Of Album

March 8, 2010

Stretchlinks News: Comedy Music Duo Ready Best Of Album

“I don’t think it’s supposed to happen this way but our giddiness is beginning to hurt.” Those are the words of Uncle Wonkles, guitar player and singer of the comedy music duo, The Stretchlinks. He’s referring to a rare level of joy that when prolonged can cause physical pain.

Nugget Of Wonderness: You Stole My Lung

November 26, 2009

Nugget Of Wonderness: You Stole My Lung

Hilarious lung thievery in this rare Stretchlinks, Nugget Of Wonderness entitled, “You Stole My Lung”. More lunatic, spoken word comedy improv from Heinous and Wonkles.

Links’ To Love: Doc Watson “Deep River Blues”

February 6, 2010

Links’ To Love: Doc Watson “Deep River Blues”

Enjoy this sweet country bluegrass classic “Deep River Blues” by the legendary artist, Doc Watson. More Links’ To Love video!

Stretchlinks News: Heinous Rynz admits invention of The Missionary Position

January 19, 2010

Stretchlinks News: Heinous Rynz admits invention of The Missionary Position

After years of rumor and speculation, ukulele legend Heinous Rynz has broken his mysterious silence and admitted responsibility for the invention of the “Missionary Position”.