Stretchlinks Lyrics: Do Wah Do Wah Do Wah

Do Wah Do Wah Do Wah

music and lyrics © 1989
The Stretchlinks

When I first saw Wanda, she was crying in a laundromat.
She had put her favorite wool sweater in one of the dryers
and I volunteered to get it out for her.

But in what the owner described as “The most grusome and
uncanny laundering mishap he’d ever seen”, I lost three fingers
on my left hand.

She rushed me to the hospital and we were married six weeks later.

(Chorus) Do-Wah Do-Wah Do-Wah, Do-Wah Do-Wah Do-Wah
Do-Wah Do-Wah Do-Wah, Do-Wah Do-Wah Do-Wah
Do-Wah Do-Wah Do-Wah

We got a 25 hundred dollar out of court settlement from the
laundromat which helped us move into a trailer park near a
factory where I got a job working a drill press.

I bought a Chevy Impala at a police auction for 500 dollars.
It ran beautifully, but the radio only got A.M.

(Chorus) Do-Wah Do-Wah Do-Wah, Do-Wah Do-Wah Do-Wah
Do-Wah Do-Wah Do-Wah, Do-Wah Do-Wah Do-Wah
Do-Wah Do-Wah Do-Wah

We called Wanda’s parents and told them “We’ve Made it!”
Everthing was going great until I caught her “doing it” with a
seventeen-year-old Puerto Rican kid.

I beat her up pretty bad that night, so she left me and moved in
with her brother. At work I lost two more fingers.

(Chorus) Do-Wah Do-Wah Do-Wah, Do-Wah Do-Wah Do-Wah
Do-Wah Do-Wah Do-Wah, Do-Wah Do-Wah Do-Wah
Do-Wah Do-Wah Do-Wah

I heard through a friend that Wanda’s got a job at a drive-in
movie theater. She sells tickets for the most part, but when
they get real busy she helps behind the candy counter.

She makes around $4.75 an hour, and with what she steals
from the cash register I guess she does all right.

(Chorus) Do-Wah Do-Wah Do-Wah, Do-Wah Do-Wah Do-Wah
Do-Wah Do-Wah Do-Wah, Do-Wah Do-Wah Do-Wah
Do-Wah Do-Wah Do-Wah

Me? Well I roam around a lot. Doing a little bit of this, a little bit
of that. I went to join the military but they told me I didn’t have enough
fingers.

I tried to call Wanda once, but her brother answered the phone
so I just hung up

(Chorus) Do-Wah Do-Wah Do-Wah, Do-Wah Do-Wah Do-Wah
Do-Wah Do-Wah Do-Wah, Do-Wah Do-Wah Do-Wah
Do-Wah Do-Wah Do-Wah

Some people say that life chews you up and spits you out. And
many would say that my life has been somewhat of a hardluck
story.

I don’t know. But I try not to dwell too much on the past. I’m working
in a butcher shop now where they have a lot of sharp tools. It’s been
three weeks and I haven’t lost any fingers yet. Who knows…maybe
things are looking up.

(Chorus) Do-Wah Do-Wah Do-Wah, Do-Wah Do-Wah Do-Wah
Do-Wah Do-Wah Do-Wah, Do-Wah Do-Wah Do-Wah
Do-Wah Do-Wah Do-Wah, etc….

Stretchlinks Music! “Do Wah Do Wah Do Wah”

Hum along to the pop hit wonder “Do Wah Do Wah Do Wah” by the alternative comedy lunatics, The Stretchlinks. Caution, human fingers may be lost during the enjoyment of this song.

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Stretchlinks Video: Jesus Song comedy & lyrics!

Follow along with the lyrics to the Stretchlinks’ comedy hit, “Jesus Song”. A delightful and silly account of the life of Jesus and his friends. More rare comedy video trash from Heinous and Wonkles! CLICK HERE TO WATCH!

Stretchlinks Discover Origin Of The Wedgie

The comedy music duo known as The Stretchlinks recently announced they had evidence that identifies the origins of the schoolyard prank known as “The Wedgy”, or “Wedgie”.  This embarrassing and often painful act in which one’s underpants are drawn up tightly between the buttocks causing pain to the anus and self esteem appears to be deeply-rooted in ancient Eskimo Shaman culture. That revelation is according to Stretchlinks member, Heinous Rynz who purchased “some animal skins with pretty drawings on them” at a garage sale in 2008. Mr. Rynz recounts that after 6 days of staring “super hard” at the hieroglyphics, an ancient ritual was revealed to him. His theory suggests that after Intuit Shaman consumed psychedelic Amanita Muscaria mushrooms and experienced many days of isolation in small snow huts, they emerged to instruct pre-pubescent boys in the practice of the “Wedchunk”, a relatively harmless coming of age ritual where young men would relentlessly taunt their peers and then violently lift the “Unhappy One” into the air from their fur pants or “Shaveresh”. According to Rynz a “scruffy looking guy” sold him the rare skins and then proposed the following history. It was 19th century European arctic explorers who first encountered the Intuit and after witnessing the Wedchunk began to spontaneously frolic in the snow, tease each other and take part in the ancient practice. Further research by Rynz suggests that the term “Wedchunk” was often mispronounced by outsiders, first by the French as “Wodechoongue” followed by the Danish as “Vedgunk” and then finally by the British as “Wedgie”. Shortly after this remarkable revelation Rynz disappeared and no evidence of the animal skins could be produced. According to Stretchlinks counterpart, Uncle Wonkles “I’m pretty sure Heinous is reenacting the Shaman rituals a good 50 miles out on the frozen tundra of Lake Erie. He really is a sucker for history”.

Stretchlinks News: Study Proves Animal Boredom

Are humans the only animals to show signs of boredom? Apparently not. According to Clevelander and part time animal behaviorist, Heinous Rynz, mammals display boredom-like behaviors much like human beings. Rynz, who is also widely known for his two-fisted ukulele playing, has studied the skunk and mule to prove his hypothesis. “Mules are a misunderstood animal” Rynz explains. “While they often look bored with droopy eyes and dour expressions, they are always engaged in the world around them. It’s not until they are exposed to belly dancing, archery or a potter’s wheel that they display what we would describe as boredom.” Rynz claims that belly dancing dries the tongue of most mules and can even lull tiny skunks into dangerous vegetative comas. While science has long known the stifling tedium effect of archery on humans, it was not until Rynz grazed his 6 test mules on an archery range that he made his astonishing discoveries. “The animals collectively yawned a remarkable 1,619 times, displayed nearly 70 human eye rolls and sighed with a startling annoyance that made me worry for my own safety.”  Worst of all according to Rynz is the potter’s wheel. At the animal’s first exposure in which the amiable ukulele player skillfully shaped a tall elegant vessel, the eyes of both species watered relentlessly confirming his long held view that even the mule or skunk could be “bored to tears”. “I was having a blast” said Rynz of his role as ceramic artist, “but when I saw those poor animals suffering, I was mortified and deeply moved”. What followed was a healing mule/skunk/human group hug.  As a result of the deep trauma he and his animals experienced together, the Clevelander performed a deprogramming ritual dubbed “Wash Day”. On Jan 1, 2010 he assembled his animal friends to witness the bows, arrows, potters wheel and his own personal collection of alluring belly dancer costumes burned in joyous effigy.

Nugget Of Wonderness: Geebles Was His Name

Experience endless phone calls and vegetable preparation in this Stretchlinks tribute, Nugget Of Wonderness, Geebles Was His Name.

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For Sale: Legendary “Heinous House”

Acclaimed Stanford University sociologist Hans Frugel recently unearthed this legendary structure known as “Heinous House”, the lost childhood home of revered ukulele celebrity, Heinous Rynes. The unexpected discovery of this near-mythical one room abode located high in the breathtaking Utah mountains has been the 12 year obsession of Frugel who has certified this to be the very place where young Heinous mastered the ukulele and at the age of 4, tracked a Shiras Moose for 16 days and bit the animal simply “cuz I wanted to see him cry”. Equipped with running water, a wooden door and a tall box of Chinese bamboo candles this roomy 100 square foot Utah State Landmark oozes charm and rock star cache. First $7850 takes it.

For Sale: Crude Oil Tanker $2k OBO!

Heinous picked up this baby on a swing through Bangkok a few years back and really has no use for it now. The Links are feeling pretty damn “green” these days and know that it would not look good for them to own this bad boy any longer. Low miles, includes VCR, pool table and 5000 barrels of crude. No reasonable offers refused.

Stretchlinks Music! “I’m Still In Love With You”

Enjoy the lovelorn, “I’m Still In Love With You”, another hilarious homicidal yarn from your favorite comedy music duo, The Stretchlinks!

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Stretchlinks’ Lyrics: I’m Still In Love With You

I’m Still in Love with You

music and lyrics © 1989
The Stretchlinks

I think you are the girl I’ve always dreamed of…
My love’s so strong I don’y know what to do.
And though they have you on death row dear…
I’m still in love with you… I’m still in love with you.

I saw you on the news one night…
the gunfight and your capture that ensued.
And though they shot your leg off and your upper lip…
I’m still in love with you… I’m still in love with you.

(Chorus) They say that you’re homo-cidal;
they say you’re psychopathic too…
though you’ve been known to weild an axe…in anger;
I must confess my undying love for you.

I’ve tried so hard my darling to forget you…
I know that what they say just can’t be true.
That the bodies they found underneath your floorboards..
I’m sure they don’t belong to you…they don’t belong to you.

At six you killed a dog with Daddy’s golf club… (Fore!),
At twelve you stabbed a postman with a knife.
And come the dawn they’ll throw the switch and end your life of crime…
Still you are the sunshine of my life…you are the sunshine of my life.

(Chorus) They say that you’re homo-cidal;
they say you’re psychopathic too… (but I don’t mind)
though you’ve been known to weild an axe…in anger;
I must confess my undying love for you.

With conviction: (Heh-geh- geh geh-geh a goo- goo-goo!!)

I’ve written to your attorney…
I do hope that the jury’s fair.
I hope that I can meet you my darling…
before you meet the chair…before you meet the chair.

Although they say you’re future may seem dismal…
and your darkest fears are surely coming true.
And though they’ll throw the switch they can’t electrocute our love.
Spoken; (‘Cause darling, I’m still in love with you…
darling, I truly love you, with all my heart.)

(Chorus) They say that you’re homo-cidal;
they say you’re psychopathic too… (but I don’t mind)
though you’ve been known to weild an axe…in anger;
I must confess my undying love for you.

“Love is a many Splendeored Thing…It’s the April rose that only grows in the
early spring…Love is a many splendeored thing…”